


My Biopsychosocial Dimensions

by MatthewTheFadeStrider



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3, Fallout 4
Genre: 3rd Person shifting POV, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Attachment Disorder, Biting, Depression, Doctor/Patient, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fetish, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internal Conflict, Light Bondage, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masterbation, ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Psychotherapy, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Riding, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Slavic Lone Wanderer, Takes Place During FallOut 4 Timeline, Teenagers, Therapy, Vault 101
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9564545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatthewTheFadeStrider/pseuds/MatthewTheFadeStrider
Summary: Declan is a psychological doctor with his own mental issues, a muddled past, and a (perceived) sin he doesn't want (the majority of) his family to know about. Andrei is a victim of sexual assault with PTSD, daddy-issues, self-loathing, and a complex regarding his orientation. The two may seem stereotypical, but they aren't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If anybody wants to become my Beta, I'd love it-
> 
> =====  
> A few facts (both of note and of fun interest):
> 
> \--- Vagus is translated to "Wanderer" in Latin, that's why I used it as the last name for the Lone Wanderer and Amata. It also sounds surprisingly similar to "Fallout New Vegas", which made me chuckle, even if it is a different timeline.
> 
> \--- Biopsychosocial is a model (and a treatment type, pending situation changes) that attributes disease outcome to an intricate, variable interaction of biological factors, psychological factors, and social factors.
> 
> \--- Humanistic psychotherapy focuses the patient on making rational choices to develop their maximum potential. It also maximizes the importance of empathy and socialization with others.
> 
> \--- "Cognitive Psychotherapy" focuses on negative patterns of thought about the self and the world. These thoughts are often challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns or treat mood disorders such as depression.
> 
> \--- The "Psychodynamic Theory" states that there is a dynamic mind, conscious and unconscious, that influences the behavior of humans. 
> 
> \--- A 'Freudian Slip' is a common technique that Psychologists use to gain info from their patients, using common human mistakes.
> 
> \--- In this story, Declan/Mimi/The Director's mother is "Dr. Li", from Fallout 3.
> 
> \--- Declan's secret passcode: '1856-39' is a reference to (possibly the most notable Psychologist in history) "Sigmund Freud" who was born in 1856 and died in 1939. Hence "1856-39".
> 
> \--- Declan's pet name for Andrei (Vygo/Psy-Gotsky/Gotsky) is also a reference to a famous psychologist. This references a Soviet Psychologist, "Lev Vygotsky" whom was the founder of, an unfinished, theory of human cultural and bio-social development.
> 
> \--- This fanfiction was originally written into 19 different chapters - spanning around 2-4,000 words each. I'd worked on it for 6 years, since I first discovered Fallout 3. I intended to continue through 2 more chapters, but lost interest for the last year, running into my final writers block. I ended up just shortening out my plan for the ending chapters, and posted it here (having cut it down by almost a third of the original length).
> 
> \--- I was 14, and in Freshman Year of high school, when I began this. I turned 20 two weeks ago, making me Declan's age. I'm also, ironically in Freshman year of College.
> 
> \--- This was originally going to turn up on FFN, rather than Archive, because at the time - FFN was still popular.
> 
> \--- "The Compound" is an original mapping spot that I created. I always saw it's interior as a mix between Riley's Ranger's Compound and the Institute. I even tried to mod it into the game utilizing data from FO3 & 4, but my FO3's data is corrupted (as it doesn't work on my computer) so I couldn't. If anybody want's to try, I encourage them. Just credit me for the original idea, and link me to the Mod (cause I'd love to have it ;]).
> 
> (For more information on the types/perspectives of Psychotherapy, used in this fanfiction, check the final note.)

_"Melodaptivity, amanesis, lack there-in of normal social behavior..." A pause signaled just how severe things were, "You're child, Mr. and Mrs. Vagus...has some psychological trauma. We need to take him in for treatment, with the right person for the job."  
_

_"What happens if we don't get the right man?" The Lone Wanderer's hands twitched at his wife's question.  
_

_"As your husband could tell you, with his own medical experience, any number of things are possible with long-term psychological trauma...but the word 'insanity' comes to mind as the foremost. You won't reach him in time. Maybe at all...and your son seems like he is a special case. Most psychological cases are."  Doctor Sanders looked seriously at the both of them, lips pulled into a tight line. The look made the wanderer think back upon his father's disappointed (but concerned) expressions when he'd 'accidentally' shoot himself in the foot with his BB gun, as a child. "There's very few that have the ability to save your son...especially with his psychological needs..." There was a pause as she sighed, "I think I might know someone who has a chance of reaching him...but you'll have to take your sons and leave the Capital Wasteland to get there."  
_

And so, that was the day that the Lone Wanderer, disappeared.

For good.

 

 

 

> * * *

 

"Andrei Vagus...18, father Slavic and African American nationality - mother full Hispanic nationality..." The man in the white lab coat leaned forward as he read. It was informal, his posture, but maybe that was by design. Andrei quietly took note of it, even if he didn't show that fact. "...support group seems to center around his parents, Darius and Amata - and older brother - Lorenzo." He looked up for the first time, "My name is Doctor Declan Sanders, my mother Madison "Li" Sanders once knew your father...was a good friend of your grandfather, too, from her stories." He paused in his attempt to reach Andrei, studying his patient's immediate reaction.  


**_ Patient is still relatively unresponsive to outside stimuli and social responses seem minimal. _ **

Andrei just stared dumbly, barely registering, the sound of his pencil scratching away at the worn paper clipped to the (really old looking...maybe prewar?) clipboard filling the void. 

"Here's what we're going to do, Andrei..." First name. Informal. Andrei was trained to recognize these verbal cues, even if his mind was (possibly?) irreparably broken. "I'm going to put this down...see...?" He gestured outwards, placing the clipboard down slow enough that an irradiated turtle, a Mirelurk, could follow it without it's mutation. "...and we're gunna talk." Declan may not have had an eidetic memory, but he could remember facts and non-verbal cues very well (even for a trained mind).  


Andrei turned his head slowly to the side, expression remaining blank despite the mild surprise at this notion.

"Look...you knew when you first walked in I'm about your age. I'm 20, by the way. It's not like I'm much more qualified than any other Psychologist, of this age. I just happened to have researched my prewar books from the Brotherhood of Steel a little more than most. Thanks be to my mother for having connections, eh?" He struggled a laugh through the pea-soup thick tension, "...ahem..." He cleared his throat, "Look - I'm not here to pressure you into anything. I just want you to know that." He held out his hands in a submissive gesture. "Talk if you want...but if you don't you don't have to. I just want a conversation." He paused, then searched his expression for any sign of change. The tension finally loosened from the air, when Andrei's bunched shoulders relaxed, and boy was Declan relieved. 

Declan made note of the fact that informality, aka getting down on his level, seemed to work better with Andrei than a professional approach. "Did I tell you that I have an older sister?" Declan asked, trying to get personal...which was common with the phenomenological approach to psychology. It was a rhetorical question, not that the damaged Andrei would answer anyways. "My sister is Naomi. She studies biochemical sciences, working with people's nervous systems. We commonly aid each-other in our perspective fields, too. The other day she was working with one of her typical research patients, but at the time he was really worked up. She called me up because he was having some kind of anxiety/panic attack and so I went over to try and help him. Turns out the guy took Jet instead of his asthma inhaler-" The mention of Chems made Andrei tense up slightly. Declan took note of it, "She ended up doing some experiments on him, taking blood samples - typical stuff. Then we got him detoxified and he was better for it." Andrei was more tense than ever, which confirmed Declan's speculation. Chems had something to do with one of the traumas in his past. "...my sister is pretty nice, maybe you could meet her sometime?"

"I'm not a child." Andrei's voice was small, hoarse, even - from lack of use. Despite the ironically childish statement, it was at least something that came from him for the first time...  


Declan's eyebrows shot up at the sound of the other's voice, but pressed him in hopes he'd continue speaking. "Of course, you're not...I didn't intend to imply-" And as Declan predicted, Andrei interrupted him.

"Then why speak to me in this way?" Andrei crossed his arms, eyes narrowing slightly.

Declan kept him engaged, "I speak to you like this because I'm trying not to startle you, Andrei. A lot of trauma victims are easily startled, so I'm keeping my voice low out of the habit I train myself into." Quietly he made a note in his mind to jot down for later: **_Patient grows irritable easily and his eyes are purple...sunken...tired. There's a tremor in his hands, does he notice it? He has callouses on his hands, doesn't he? He's used to using melee weapons. Maybe because of the nerve damage. He seems on edge, right now. Lack of sleep, perhaps? Very likely. Or maybe worse - maybe he is getting sleep and rather - he's just having night terrors. Not out of the norm for a case like his._** Declan was known for his fast analysis of different situations, having tested at a score of 156 for perception alone.  


"Your gaze is unsettling, Doctor." Andrei tensed up again.

"You can call me Declan, Andrei. If it feels more comfortable to you."

"No. It doesn't. You're the doctor here. And I have a feeling you're analyzing every response I make, straight down to my body. Perhaps even taking note of my anatomy? What, you want to fuck me doctor?" Tears of rage didn't come, but he certainly shivered noticeably, when he said it.

"I'm just making observations. Isn't that what you're doing in criticizing my mannerisms, Andrei?" He made him think about it, critical thinking was important. Cognitive treatment was a constant, even when focusing on other things.

Andrei did take pause, but it was only a few beats of respite before returning to his defensive posture. "But you still are taking note of my body, admitted or not."

"Non-verbal cues are important in my life of work, Andrei..." He almost flinched at the mistake. It sounded more professional than he intended.  


And that was one of Andrei's 'bad spots'. He locked up instantly, "I figured that's all I was to you...just another patient-" He started to get up, to walk off, to leave for his assigned room.

"Of course you're my patient-" He knew exactly how to salvage this, as if, in a spark of beautiful inspiration. "-but I care for all of my patients as if they were family. And your family is worried about you...as I am."

"I highly doubt you're that concerned about my well-being, Doc." Andrei grit out, eyes focused on the door he'd paused at.

"But I am, Andrei." He said, standing and walking towards him. He placed his hand on the male's shoulder, causing the other to flinch at such a soft touch. Declan retracted it immediately, seeing the fear surfacing to Andrei's eyes. _**Physical contact is unpleasant. Or perhaps it's just his shoulder?**_ "Is that unpleasant?" He asked, even though the answer was obvious. He just wanted Andrei to think about it and put it into words. Cognitive behavioral therapy at it's best...

"I-..." He swallowed, his breath hitching at whatever was going through his mind. There was a long pause, but Declan didn't push him for anything with prompts. Not yet, at least. Finally, Andrei nodded, but he was unable to bring it to words. "I don't like being touched much. Not since-"  


Declan could have clapped for his handiwork, utilizing the good ol' Freudian Slip, if he didn't already understand the severity of his patient's case. "I'm sorry." He said, but with sincerity. He truly felt for his situation, no matter what his goals and triumphs on attempting to discern Andrei's situation. "Listen...why don't you sit down, and we'll just return to our normal conversation...but this time I'd like you to talk-"  


"If it's about-" He started defensively, but cut off with surprise at the response-

"- _your family_? I'd love to hear about them. How about that brother of yours? You listed him as a major member to your support system...I'm assuming you have a good relationship, then?"

Andrei relaxed, the personal touch easing him up a bit. This didn't needed to be noted by Declan, anymore. He felt that he had this particular note down pat. The patient looked at his psychologist for a long beat before finally going towards the gestured chair and settling in again. The male waited until his doctor was situated on his own desk before speaking once more, "Sort of."  


"Sort of?"

"I know, vague answer...you want more info, right? Look, my brother and I have a complex relationship, that's all I really want to say."

"You respect him, however."

"Yeah, I respect Lorenzo." Andrei admitted with a sigh, "But I also hate him..."

"Hate is a stronger adjective than I surmise you were intending..." Declan correctly concluded, one eyebrow raised with his palms laced together.

There was a few beats before he finally decided on telling the truth, rather than telling a lie from spite. "Da...." He looked about idly as he spoke with tangled slovic words, " _YA na samon dele ne nenavizhu Lorenzo, za skazat'_." sigh followed before the patient followed up with more info - or at the very least - a general translation of his meaning, "I don't hate him. I just...it's complex. I respect him, look up to him..." Andrei's black hair shifted slightly as he slumped, "I just...I also feel envious. He's got a nice life, a girlfriend...it's like Luck is always on his side..." A lithe hand with strong, lengthy fingers lifted as he spoke.  


Declan blinked, "Do you feel that Luck is not on  your side, Andrei?"

"No." The patient said bluntly, staring at the doctor with night-blue to root-black hair and dark eyes. He took note of the sharp jawline the Doc had, how it curved in just the right way to look feminine, but also managed square edges near the ears to add testosterone in his features. And now that he was staring a little bit longer, he also noticed that he wasn't just Hispanic - he had a lot of Asian in him, too. He knew that "Li" was an oriental name, so that meant that it wasn't just Madison's middle name...it was a maiden name. His mother was Asian, and his father had some kind of Latino racial origin in him - if not being fully so. It made Andrei feel a little better about being an interracial child himself. Of course, so was his father - the 'esteemed' Lone Wanderer-

"Why is this?"

"Why the third degree?"

"It's important for me to know these details so I may connect with you on a deeper level, Andrei." He leaned forward slightly, casually, trying to make sure this didn't seem more like an interrogation than normal Psych appointments did.

A huff of air came from the smaller, of the two, and he shook his head. "I don't know. Everything seems to just...it's just...it's like the world hates me. I wouldn't blame it. I'm a frank piece of shit." He shook slightly, but yet again - tears did not come. It was a dry sensation, as it wasn't the first time he said this aloud. Whether in the dark confines of his room, or to his family when he'd had a fight, it wasn't a new piece of glass inside his heart...

"Believe it or not, what you just said is a good thing."

Andrei laughed, "That's a new one. Aren't you supposed to tell me a bunch of bullshit about how 'it's bad for me to think this way' and that 'I should just get over myself'?"

"No." He smiled with amusement, and it frustrated Andrei in a way he couldn't track. Declan pressed on with hardly any hesitation, "You want to know why?" It was a rhetorical question, so Andrei didn't answer. "Because admitting you - as you say - 'hate yourself' - is the first step in, accepting and, loving yourself, inevitably."

Andrei barked out a laugh, "I'm sorry, what-?"

"Believe me or not. But what I speak is the truth..." Suddenly the Doc's PipBoy started beeping. "Looks like that's all the time we have..." He said as he pressed a few buttons, silencing it's alert. "I won't be here, for a while, as I'm going to be traveling to Paradise Hills for missionary work in coalition with the Minutemen. They've got a lot of physical and psychological injuries due to a recent hoard of Deathclaws attacking, so I'm needed there for a few days. This will leave you some time to go through a new personalized regimen we have for you here. And when I return we can continue our conversation."

Conversation, easy, ambiguous - and it didn't tie him down with feelings of being forced. Andrei seemed to tense during the more professional portion of his explanation - but relaxed at the last. "Fine." He finally grumbled, standing. "Thank you." It was forced, but Dimitri merely smiled in return.

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
>  

 

Late that night, Declan spent time filling out the typical forms associated with his line of work...

 _Vault Tech would like to remind you that any and all information is required for this form to be used to it's fullest potential and for the benefit of the patient-_  
  
"Yeah, yeah-" Declan skipped the rest of the statement and went straight to the dotted lines.

 

FIRST OPERATION

**(Please Fill Out With Detail)**

 

 

Patient Name: ** _Andrei James Vagus_**

Current Physician: ** _Declan "Dimitri"_ _Collin Sanders_**

 

_Overview:_

  * _**Patient responds well to speaking of personal topics (his or others), doesn't prefer to think of chems, has possible nerve damage, displays a taut self-defense mechanism, may be suffering from sleep deprivation, and seems to have a strained relationship with his self-image.**_



_Patient's Mental State:  
_

  * **_Troubled._**



_Additional INFO:_

  * **_More than a marginal amount of psychotherapy will be needed for his particular case._**



_Special need(s)?_

  * **_Andrei may need to bond/build trust- with his any care-takers before any particular_**



_Extraneous Disorders_ ( Please Include _**Mental**_ and _**Physical**_ ) _?_

  * **_I surmise he may have Sleep Terror, as he shows physical and emotional signs of sleep deprivation._**
  * **_He also may have some form of Sensory Nerve Damage (surmised from shaky hands and visual pain [on features] from touch)._**
  * **_Possible Generalized Anxiety Disorder (Shown by his seeming paranoia from simple questions)?_**
  * **_He shows some symptoms of clinical depression, though it may be a result from previous trauma._**
  * **_The patient shows distaste and fear of being touched through physical contact - even in simple areas of anatomy (he flinched from my touch on his shoulder, for instance) - this may be first signs of PTSD. More information will be collected as time goes on._**



Dimitri rubbed his eyes and checked his PipBoy for the time. He got the damn thing from a corpse in a vault two years ago, and it's worked relatively well every day since. It was surprising how well it adapted to Dimitri's anatomy, instantly - in fact.  


The Psychologist slumped on his desk and closed dark gray eyes, letting out a breath. He hated paper-work, always had. It was tempting to just...fall asleep here...

_Boy_ was it tempting.

And then he saw an image, from long ago in his mind...

**_"I love you, Lanie~" The 15 year old curled against him, sighing in contentment as he nuzzled the larger. Declan smirked a little, kissing the top of the other's head._ **

**_But then he realized as he opened his mouth, and the smaller looked up expectantly - he was supposed to fill in with his part._ **

**_But he couldn't._ **

**_"I love you..." The smaller, of the two, said - more desperately this time._ **

**_Declan opened his mouth again, prepared to say something as no words came forth. He closed his mouth, took a breath, and tried again._ **

**_"...Declan?" The smaller leaned back, "Is something wrong...?"_ **

**_"No-" He blurted, surprised that he could say 'a singular no' but not three words of import. "I..." He opened his mouth, starting but unable to finish._ **

**_"...you don't..." The smaller male turned away, auburn hair swinging with the motion. Tears filled blue eyes, and he stood up. "Maybe..."_ **

**_"No! That's not it at all, baby - I-"_ **

"Things are all taken care of today, Dr. Sudoyev." The Nurse Aid looked down upon him with with earnest, wide eyes when she shook him awake. He knew the staff genuinely was concerned about his health. As a Doctor trained in both physical and psychological treatment (not unlike most Doctors in the wastes) he should have been more conscientious. But he put his health far below the vitality of his patients, something that wasn't common in this, controversially back-stabbing, world.

"I'm fine, Gena. And please, call me Declan..." He said, pausing to look up from his desk with a half heartened smile, then noted the trays in her dark-to-pale hands. "Taking the patients their food?"

"And you." She said with her lips pursed, laying down a small purified package of InstaMash. "Eat at least, Dr-...Declan..."

He smiled half-heatedly, "I appreciate the sentiment, but-"

"It's not a request, Dr. You've been pushing yourself too hard, lately." Her eyes softened, "You need to care for yourself as much as them." She paused, "Because if you don't...you won't be here to take care of them, will you?"

Declan sighed  with defeat, unable to argue with that. "Alright."

"And please take some Rad-Away when you go to Sanctuary. I've heard some bad things about the area near Vault 111. A lot of irradiated water to trudge through before you can make it there." Gena's brown eyes looked severely at him. "There's a MedKit in the storage room that's normally saved for irradiated patients, but there's enough RadAway and Rad-X, we've collected over the past few weeks, you could take a few and it wouldn't be missed." She placed a re-assuring hand on his shoulder, covered with the white of his lab coat.

"I'll bare that in mind, thank you, Gena." He looked at a tray which was marked with permanent ink - stating 'Patient 24'. "Hey, do you mind if I take that to 24?"

She twisted her lips, "It would make it easier on me - his room is clear across the compound. But the Manager warned me earlier there are a few RadRoaches that have taken residence in the hallway nearest."

"And they stationed Andr-...Patient 24, there?" He raised a dark eyebrow.

"Is he your patient?" She asked idly, but didn't wait for an answer before responding to his, "Manager claims things should be safe for him, they don't seem to wander directly towards his room. It's like they have a nest there, probably do. Besides the fact that his door is made out of a similar metallic alloy to Vault Tech's own. As long as he doesn't wander after hours, he should be fine."

"As long as? That's a lot of faith to put into one patient." He said impatiently.

"It's _not_ my decision, Dr." She held up her hands, a submissive gesture to them.

He sighed and rubbed his temples. The manager didn't care what happened to the patients once he got his pay, probably hoped the bastard would get killed by them so that a new patient could take his place and he'd get even more caps. "Yeah, I'll take it for you..." He took it.

"Here, then. The Manager gave me a 10 millimeter in case I ran into trouble. You should take it too...and here's some ammo." She handed the items over via a belt, tying it around his waste beneath the lab coat. She blushed when she was doing so, pulling back as quick as possible once it was done. He chuckled idly, not finding the slightest bit of interest - and not because it was her. It was just because of her gender. He shook his head, "I'll be fine, Gena. If I'm not, you'll hear the sounds of screaming and loud footsteps down the hallways."

She let out a wry laugh at the dark humor, and ducked her head as she took the trays and excused herself.

He frowned when she rounded the corner, suddenly feeling horrible.

Did he just lead her on?

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
>  

 

"I came to visit you before I left today...is that a major problem?" Declan said as he brought in the silver tray, lined with previously irradiated food that had went through the purification process. 

"Just unusual." Andrei said as he put the pre-war book down (which he'd scrounged from the patient's socialization corner).

"Someone once told me to...expect the unexpected in life." He handed over the tray, and for a split moment Andrei's hand brushed against Declan's. Andrei flushed, but attempted to convince himself it was merely because of the humidity.

"Whomever it was, tell them that they need a new set of advice skills." He took a bite of the InstaMash, relieved to get non-radiated food in his stomach. It was the first time, in a long time, he'd eaten some like this...

A chuckle came from Declan as he sat across the room on the empty chair, "Mayhaps. My father wasn't always as well off with words as he was with scientific exploration."

Andrei paused, "You're father?"

"Yeeees-" His voice began with sarcasm, "-What, did you believe I would just...spring up from the ground? Solidify myself into existence through a mutated hand sticking from my mother's stomach?" This caused Andrei to snort, much to Declan's pleasure. It was a very embarrassing moment for Andrei, but to Declan- it was slightly endearing, "My father was a good man."

"Was?"

"Died of radiation in the wastes when I was twelve in a rescue attempt. Always did feel like Karma was going to come back to bite him if he didn't do some good for the world..." Declan admitted, feeling exposed in a surprising twist. It was as if he was on the operating table and Andrei was carving him open with a scalpel. "...I guess that theory wasn't true. He did so many amazing, if small, things for people over the years - and in the end he still died from doing a good act." Declan had always felt bitter about the experience, which is why he didn't speak of it often.

There was a long pause, filled by the sound of chewing. Finally, Andrei responded, "Funny...my father has the same life-outlook. I remember him telling me when I was twelve something along the lines of 'Do good for the world and the world will do good for you in the end'." He shook his head, "I don't know, personally. I think I'd air on the more intermediary side to things." He pushed his food away, now, having finished it. "I don't want to be an evildooer...causing mayhem and pain for people...but sticking my neck out for the good of people seems to get you into more trouble with the Mercs than it's worth. I decided a long while ago that I was done being the 'superhero' of my dreams."

"But you did actually try and do good for the world for a time..." He noted, coming over to take the tray.

"...are you kidding? My dad is the 'lone wanderer' - the - 'great crusader of the wastes'...of course I tried. Of course I tried to follow my family legacy...but the only thing that got me was..." He clamped up and shuttered suddenly, "....well...bad things. That's all I'll say..."

Declan took note of it, but didn't press for more. "Well, I should get going. Thank you for speaking to me on this, it was nice to talk about my father, for what it's worth."

Andrei looked up to him, at first to scrutinize - then he realized Declan truly meant what he'd said...and a smile appeared over the brunet's features, "I'm glad...mine too..." He hesitated, "And Doc?" He said just as Declan was about to round the corner, "Thanks for bringing me my food...I was worried it was going to be some...aid that would just drop it off and leave, ya know? I'm pretty..."

"Lonely here?" Declan finished, head turning to the side - attempting to glance at him over a muscled shoulder.

"Yeah..." Andrei said with a raw throat, feeling exposed at the confirmation of his sensitivity.

"Would you like a room-mate? Or maybe somebody to talk to when  you just feel a little under-the-weather, whilst I'm gone?" Declan asked.

"Uh...no. No thanks, Doc...I-"

"-Don't think they'd understand me as well as you-" He finished for him again.

Andrei blinked, "How do you do that?"

"Hmm?"

"That - understand others before they even get there-?"

"I've always been able to...predict, what people were going to say....what they felt...I was always able to understand others, sometimes better than myself, even." His throat felt dry at the question, hoping it wasn't a double-edge sword to Andrei.

But, surprisingly, Andrei didn't take it that way. "I guess that's why you're the doc, Doc." But the tone was well-intended, soft even.

Declan smiled as he rounded the corner, a good end to the conversation.

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
>  

"How've you been since I left, Andrei?" Declan leaned forward. "I heard you made a friend, here, already."

"Alright...but nah - we're not...ya know, really buddies or anything like that. I mean, we're cool and all, but he's mostly just somebody I can play Chess with on occasion." Andrei explained, a little more open with - and even mildly happy to see - Declan after so long. It had been some months since therapy had started, and Declan often took missionary trips. They could last from days to weeks, but no matter how long they were - Andrei felt an ache in his absence. In the knowledge he would just have to get by day by day with nothing, but a dull routine. It was like all color slowly drained in Declan's absence...

"Do you like to play Chess?"

"Yeah, I mean, my father taught it to me. Said his father, James taught it to him. I guess I was named after 'im or som'n. My middle name, at least..."

"So you have fond memories of your father, then?" He said, smiling genuinely at his patient.

"My father may be thought of as 'the lone wanderer', but 'lone' couldn't be further from the truth. He always keeps people around him. And he's a kind, gentle, guy...I think that's what my mother loves in him. I can see that, ya know?"

Declan raises an eyebrow, but nods. "Do you wish to have someone to love you like that, Andrei?"  


Andrei sighs, rubbing the back of his neck...

And Declan takes note of the reaction, not pressing further.

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
>  

Declan blinked at the sound of the familiar voice rousing him. "Dimitri~" He raised his head to his nickname, seeing the smug smile on her face.

He chuckled groggily, "Well, well...the great Mimi comes down to mingle with the common Doctors of the wastes." He teased, making her roll her eyes at the usage of her affectionate nickname.

"Ugh." She flops down, "I told you not to call me that." She glared daggers at him, but Declan just chuckled in return. But then she smiled again at the sound of her brother's laugh.

"What are you doing here, anyways?" He laid his head sideways on the worn oak desk.

Mi just crossed her arms, "Gena tells me you haven't been taking care of yourself." She glares daggers at her brother, but the only thing he did for any kind of response was let out a snort, through his nostrils, irritably.

"Gena worries over my health a little too much." He sat up, straightening his hair for the first time. Dark black locks smoothed down through his fingers like waves of black satin.

"She's infatuated with you, you know." Mi raised an eyebrow, lips pursing. "Have you told her?"

His hands twitch, pausing between waves of his hair and dropping down to the desk once more. He paused, glancing at the 2nd patient evaluation once more.

 

SECOND OPERATION

**(Please Fill Out With Detail)**

 

 

Patient Name: ** _Andrei James Vagus_**

Current Physician: ** _Declan "Dimitri"_ _Collin Sanders_**

 

_Overview:_

  * _**Patient seems more open when speaking of familiars, as ever. ~~Upon broaching the topic of his relationship status, he declined to offer any input upon personal preferences on whether a loved one is-~~ Patient refuses to speak of love on the whole. It seems to be a sensitive topic.  
**_



_Patient's Mental State:  
_

  * **_Troubled, still. But more open to speaking and interacting with others._**



_Special need(s)?_

  * **_Andrei seems to talk more openly with other patients. Perhaps a quiet observer could give info to his mental state for better treatment.  
_**



_Extraneous Disorders_ ( Please Include _**Mental**_ and _**Physical**_ ) _?_

  * **_Video feed suggests he has some sleep disorder/night terrors.  
_**
  * **_He also may have some form of Sensory Nerve Damage (surmised from shaky hands and visual pain [on features] from touch). But we have yet to breach the topic on such.  
_**
  * **_Possible Generalized Anxiety Disorder (Shown by his seeming paranoia from simple questions)?_**
  * **_He shows some symptoms of clinical depression, most likely resultant from his traumatic experiences.  
_**
  * **_The patient shows distaste and fear of being touched through physical contact - even in simple areas of anatomy (he flinched from my touch on his shoulder, for instance) - this may be first signs of PTSD. More information will be collected as time goes on. I have not breached contact with him since the first meeting.  
_**



 

He frowned, feeling guilty in a sudden rush. It felt like an invasion of privacy to ask another patient, or even a doctor, to watch over his interactions. But he needed to gauge his mental stasis to better his treatment. He convinced himself desperately that it was for the best in the end.

"Dimi! _Dimitri!_ **DECLAN**! Jesus-are you even _listening?_ " Mi looked at him exasperatedly, her Asian features filled with exasperation.

"What?" He jerked, "Sorry..." Slumping, he looked at himself in the mirror above his office desk. Mildly messy, wavy black hair (better since he adjusted it, but still not the best) and bags under his cerulean eyes.

She sighs exasperatedly, but then frowns severely thereafter. "You've got that look."

"-'that look'-?" He quoted questioningly.

"The one you always have when you're concerned over something. Like when we were teens in the vault."

"The patient." He said, and then rubbed his eyes, deferring to a more apt description of his worries. "I mean, he's got some real problems. I can't..." He looked up at you, "I'm bound legally not to tell you what it is, or what he's going through...but it's..."

She leaned down to her brother and gave him a comforting hug. "You were always more sensitive than people took you for..." She smiled. "You should let that intelligent wall down more often to show your softer side..." Mi rubbed her brother's back.

"Thanks for the advice, Mimi..." He leaned into her, seeking the comfort (rather than giving it) for once.

When she felt he was a little better, Mi leaned back and put her hands on her hips. "I know you don't want to hear this right now, but you've got to be more conscientious. Please don't lead Gena on, brother...she's such a good woman at heart...don't hurt her like that."

"I know..." His eyes grew distant, "I'll try."

"Thank you, brother." She rubbed his back...again.

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
>  

"You said you wanted a girl that gives you flowers and showers you with kisses?" Declan asked.  


"I didn't say showering me with kisses, but-"

"A girl that gives YOU flowers? Isn't that a little opposite of what's supposed to be in the social norm?" Declan was honestly just teasing the male, but it did make him more flustered than he already was. For some reason this action and consequence seemed like a win for the Doctor.

"I-" He clamped up, then blinked, "-THEY CAN GIVE FLOWERS TOO-" He flinched at the sound of his own voice, heightened an octave as he stuttered over the words. Declan had just pushed him on the matter of love again, and he hated it. But it's not like you can really avoid the question when your psychologist asks you something directly.  


Declan chuckled, "I didn't intend to imply they couldn't. It's just not normal for a man to ask his wife or girlfriend for a bunch of roses on valentines day. I believe that's the other way around, if I'm not mistaken. That said, unconventional relationships do seem to be growing more and more normal these days, and who am I to judge? But I don't think you have an unconventional relationship with a female in mind, Andrei."

"What-? What, are you implying I'm...I'm GAY?"

"And what's wrong with being homosexual?" Declan asked genuinely, silently biting back the fact that he - himself - was Homosexual, for the sake of leveling intelligently with Andrei (at first).

"I...I mean...I don't have anything against it-...it's just...I mean..."

"You'll be picked out? Chewed up? Beaten on because you're...different?" Declan raised an eyebrow, having heard the same story over and over before.

"NO! It's because-I just... _I'M NOT **GAY**_. That's... _that's_ the end of it." He stood up, storming out before the appointment was even over.  


Which naturally made Declan pinch the bridge of his nose from irritation. He hated it when people tried to deny themselves...

 

 

 

> * * *

 

Declan sighed as he stared down at the third evaluation.

 

 

THIRD OPERATION

**(Please Fill Out With Detail)**

 

 

Patient Name: ** _Andrei James Vagus_**

Current Physician: ** _Declan "Dimitri"_ _Collin Sanders_**

 

_Overview:_

  * _**The topic of orientations came up this particular session. The patient denies furociously that he's straight, and I believe that this may be caused by some form of social pressure or sexual trauma. More information will be collected at a later date.  
**_



_Patient's Mental State:  
_

  * **_The patient is still mildly troubled, but is coming around to communication more and more with me as well as others._**



_Special need(s)?_

  * **_The patient is still in need of a soft touch. Today he stormed out before the completion of the session after broaching the topic of sexual preferences.  
_**



_Extraneous Disorders_ ( Please Include _**Mental**_ and _**Physical**_ ) _?_

  * **_Video feed suggests he has some sleep disorder/night terrors. He seems to become more and more tired as time goes on, I fear sleep deprivation is taking it's toll.  
_**
  * **_He also may have some form of Sensory Nerve Damage (surmised from shaky hands and visual pain [on features] from touch). But we have yet to breach the topic on such.  
_**
  * **_Possible Generalized Anxiety Disorder (Shown by his seeming paranoia from simple questions)?_**
  * **_He shows some symptoms of clinical depression, most likely resultant from his traumatic experiences.  
_**
  * **_The patient shows distaste and fear of being touched through physical contact - even in simple areas of anatomy (he flinched from my touch on his shoulder, for instance) - this may be first signs of PTSD. More information will be collected as time goes on. I have not breached contact with him since the first meeting.  
_**
  * **_He seems to repress his sexual tendencies, information on why shall be provided at a later session._**



 

Gena had stopped by earlier, giving him YumYum Deviled Eggs and a radiant smile. He'd accepted them with a genuine 'thank you' and a distant smile, which she'd apparently just taken as his own stress levels showing through. In the end, she tried to offer to aid him with work, and he'd waved her off saying it was important that he take care of it. She filed out not long after, much to his relief.

 

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
>  

 

_ And now, a break - brought to you by Hetalia. _

**Grab a tissue - it's about to get sad.**  


_ This message was brought to you by a crying Mattie, who's feelings were destroyed by the next _ portion...

 

 

* * *

Declan came forward suddenly, making Andrei tense. "Is there some reason why you are suppressing your sexuality, Andrei?"

"I'm not suppressing anything..." Andrei said, voice still an octave higher than it's normal baritone level. "I'm...I'm straight. I like women..."

"If you're straight, then so am I." Declan said with mild amusement.

"Wait-you're-...?"

Declan nodded slowly, as if having to explain the dynamics of different dimensional planes to a child. "I've been out of the closet for many years, Andrei. And I know another gay when I see one. Hiding who you are isn't going to help you...especially not if there's some reason you're hiding it...beyond the norm, that is."

Andrei looked away for a second, doubting his own denial before he finally shook it off and responded with. "I'm straight!" 

Declan sighed, "Your body knows you better than-"

"DON'T GIVE ME _THAT_ SHIT, DOC! MY _BODY_ DOESN'T KNOW SHIT! _I'M STRAIGHT_...I...I..." He took a deep breath, tears coming to blue pupils for the first time, "I'm _NOT_ fucking gay like him! HE said I was TOO! SAID _HE'D HELP ME_ , BUT I REALIZE NOW THAT IT ISN'T TRUE - It...it was just CURIOUSITY, _that's all_ -"

This time, Declan didn't hold back. He had him on the edge of a break-through. "You are _ADMITTING_ YOURSELF you're not STRAI-"

" _BULLSHIT_ \- I was experimenting. _THAT'S ALL_. AND HE _TOOK ME_. _FUCKED ME_. VIOLATED _MY ASS_ LIKE I WAS A _PIECE OF TRASH_. YOU _THINK_ THAT FEELS GOOD? BEING FUCKED IN A BACK ALLEY _WITHOUT_ LUBRICATION, _WITHOUT_ PROTECTION - _JUST_...JUST **_SUBJUGATED_** TO THAT...? God..." He broke down then, finally, landing back in the chair and sobbing out. Declan was down in an instant, rubbing his shoulders as his heart poured forth. All the fears, all the tension he'd built up for years from the sexual assault. "He just...bent me over the damn trash bin like a whore...spoke words into my ears I barely understood...I WAS 15-...he'd promised to hook me up with somebody my age, somebody that'd take care of me..." He croaked, "But he said there's a price...I thought it was in caps, ya know? And when I refused to pay _THAT_ ** _PRICE_**...he took it anyways...I...I..." Before he knew it, he was sobbing into Declan's chest. 

This was the hardest part of Declan's job. When a patient had to spill it out like this, relive the tragic experience...

Even if it meant they'd eventually get better.

"...It was your first time, too, wasn't it?"

Andrei nodded into his shirt, fist bunched into the white lab coat over the other's shoulders. Declan felt rage as he sat there - hearing the shuttering breaths, rubbing the patient... _his patient's_...back....feeling his shaking hands slowly tremble against his chest. 

It was awful.

Part of him felt vengeful on behalf of Andrei. He must have been so scared back there in that alley, and it was horrendous to think that was his first time, too. Closing his eyes, Dimitri let out a sad breath. "It's gunna be okay...you're going to be _okay_."

But Declan wondered idly if, now, having spent as much time with Andrei as he had - having experienced this tragic tale...

Would _HE,_ himself, be okay?

 

 

 

> * * *

 

 

FOURTH OPERATION

**(Please Fill Out With Detail)**

 

 

Patient Name: ** _Andrei James Vagus_**

Current Physician: ** _Declan "Dimitri"_ _Collin Sanders_**

 

_Overview:_

  * _**Patient finally opened up this session to a sexual assault he'd had in the past. Whether that is the only traumatic experience that causes his mental strain, it is yet to be seen.  
**_



_Patient's Mental State:  
_

  * **_Hopefully better since opening up, but it is yet to be seen._**



_Special need(s)?_

  * **_The patient seems to talk more openly with other patients. A quiet observer, whom I've taken to calling the "Mysterious Stranger" has given me a good amount of info on his current thoughts.  
_**



_Extraneous Disorders_ ( Please Include _**Mental**_ and _**Physical**_ ) _?_

  * **_Video feed suggests he has some sleep disorder/night terrors.  
_**
  * **_He also may have some form of Sensory Nerve Damage (surmised from shaky hands and visual pain [on features] from touch). But we have yet to breach the topic on such.  
_**
  * **_Possible Generalized Anxiety Disorder as a result of sexual torment.  
_**
  * **_He shows some symptoms of clinical depression, most likely resultant from his traumatic experiences.  
_**
  * **_The patient shows distaste and fear of being touched through physical contact - even in simple areas of anatomy (he flinched from my touch on his shoulder, for instance) - this may be first signs of PTSD. It's possible that it's caused by the 'incident'.  
_**



 

Gena tapped him on his shoulder, "Declan?" She said, causing him to look up from his finalized work.

"Gena?" He said as she handed him a routine-based purified food item. This time, he realized it was a bottle of Purified Water accompanied by Pork N Beans. His throat felt tight as she asked to sit down and eat with him. He knew the implications, but she'd been so good to him he didn't want to seem rude. And especially with how distant and direct he'd treated her lately. She was a good friend to him, regardless of his orientation. "Sure...hang on..." He finally responded, moving things over so that there was room enough for two trays.

"Thank you." She smiled at him warmly, settling herself in carefully with a chair Declan had since pulled up. Then after a few beats of awkward silence, she laughed.

He looked over at her, his shoulders tense. "What's so funny?" He asked, making her shake her head more.

"It's just that I half expected you to be like the last Doctor I worked with...at the lab in Rivet City."

His mother's old Lab, he thought wistfully - remembering his childhood when he'd visit the place. His sister had felt so at home there, even on the rare occasion he'd get into his mother's Chem Lab and cause a terrible reaction. One time he burned a hole through a table, with bad understanding of the periodic table, when he was but 8. Yet his mother wasn't angry, in fact, he remembered her asking him to try and think through the problem and find a way to make things differently - not so lethal - the next time. He'd half expected to be grounded for years, but his mother was always the intelligent type. She encouraged his sister and him to solve problems utilizing their minds rather than brute force, which affected them positively in the end.

Unfortunately, that childhood heaven, was sold off some years ago to another striving scientist in need of a place to stay...

While the Sudoyev family needed money to travel to the Commonwealth of Boston.

The man seemed short to Declan, having only one interaction with him by sheer accident. And when I say short...I don't mean in height. The man was terribly rude, looking down on Children with an attitude like they were a hindrance, pointless to the world, even. It was the first time Declan really had a taste of what the wastes were like. He'd mostly grown up in a world where things seemed optimistic, filled with chemical compounds and medical knowledge...

Learning social manners and being taught how to be kind to those who needed him...

It was the first time he'd walked up to someone brightly and gotten the response like he was a piece of meat. In fact, if it weren't for (aging but still seemingly spry) Chief Harkness - he probably would have been shot on sight. It was lucky the man was able to talk his gun down and pull Declan behind him.  "Is that still Dr. Vain who runs the place?"

"Heard of him?" Gena raised an eyebrow.

"The man almost shot me when I was 9." Declan said, having taken a sip of his refreshing, Purified Water.

Gena whistled a crescendo, "I knew he was rough, but..."

"My mother used to own that lab."

"You're mother is Doctor Li?" She seemed impressed.

"Dr. Sudoyev, these days. And yeah." He paused, eyes drifting to the ceiling. "Honestly, even if he did try to blow my brains against the wall...I'm still glad I had the encounter." He smiled vaguely.

She tilted her head, eyebrows furrowed. "You're glad a man tried to kill you as a child?"

"It's not that simple." He chuckled, "I'm not glad because I almost died...I'm glad because it taught me a good lesson. That I can't trust everyone. And...if It weren't for my psychological trauma that resonated for a few years after, I wouldn't have met a man named 'Dr. Assenswartz' who gave me the right treatment..." The brunet smiled wistfully, "As well as inspired me to be who I am, today."

Gena breathed out, "Wow. I guess things really do happen for a reason, huh?"

"Something like." He started to become sad, expression painfully transparent.

She frowned, "Is something wrong, Declan?" She reached out to his hand, as if to hold it. 

Declan, of course, pulled it back and sighed with a shift in his eyes - settling blue orbs on an all-too-interesting piece of scrap-paper. "Gena...I need you to know something... ** _something_** I _probably_ should have told you earlier..."

 

 

 

> * * *

 

"Gena resigned, today." The Manager said over his specs, looking severely at Dr. Sudoyev. They had started having these 'lunch outings', since the Manager was basically his older brother (adopted, but still-) and he felt like it was important to get out like family once in a while. He didn't want to treat his younger brother with special standards, inside the workplace; however, that didn't change the fact that he felt it important to still treat him like family (when the chance came). "Do you have any idea why? She didn't state reasons on her resignation, forms."

"...No idea, sir." Declan said, slurping along his Irradiated ( to _FUCKING **HELL** _ ) Potato Crisps. Already his stomach was growling at him, giving him what-for, for eating such radiated non-chem substances. He could feel it churning over his previously, _drank_ , Purified Water and, _eaten_ , Pork 'N Beans. Part of his predicament, the psychologist had concluded, was just his sensations of guilt and anxiety. But...mostly it was the irradiation from the Potato Crisps...

" _Sir_..." The Manager sighed, but without a hint of surprise. It was a defeated sound, one that showed the distance time and envy, had created between him and his younger sibling. Blonde hair landed on the back of his chair, a frown seeping into his expression. He didn't say more than this, merely moved on; "I assumed you might have an idea. She seemed to enjoy her job, here, from what I'd seen on every Quarterly Review sheet. And it's not like I couldn't see you two were close." He smiled knowingly. But he was niave to his brother's orientation. Only their sister knew...

He'd done a damn good job of hiding it from his family, out of fear. The only person who knew was his sister, whom herself was a lesbian. The two held each-other's secrets close, trust between them stronger that way. "We were good friends, yes." Declan should have felt more open, but his older...adopted...brother, was his manager.

"Some claimed you had more going on then that."

"We didn't." Declan was short with his brother, making the Manager flinch.The authority level he held with him didn't settle right in his gut. He has ADHD, and had ODD as a child. His ODD may have faded by age 14, but some symptoms remained - unsurprisingly.  
  
He thought back to his Pre-War studies, remembering the words (from his two favorite psychology books) he must have read a million times...

 

* * *

  _It is vital for parents to seek help for their child before the problems become severe and lead to complications in their lives. Children who do not receive treatment and support for their ODD may suffer from long-lasting effects. Such effects can include:_

  * **Social isolation**
  * **Lack of friendships**
  * **An inability to develop meaningful relationships**
  * **Difficulty in educational settings**



_If the disorder remains untreated, the following effects can result in adults when they have not received the proper help required to manage their symptoms of ODD:_

  * **Ongoing patterns of relationship conflicts**
  * **Trying to control others**
  * **Unable to “let go” of grudges / having difficulty forgiving**
  * **Arguing with authority figures that can result in negative consequences, such as being fired from a job**



* * *

 

"She seemed ridged when she arrived in my office, Declan. We all know the psychological signs of pain in front of others." He took of his pre-war cap, and sighed as he scratched his long hair back into place (on top of his head).

"I'm sure she's missing family she left back home, sir."

"You don't have to call me-"

"Sir." He said forcefully, glowering. This part, was why he could never hold a proper job.

Why he could never stay put in Vault-Tech....

_Why he couldn't work with his sister's overseer._

         **_Why HE had to leave the Capital Wastes._ **

His brother rubbed the back of his neck, asking him something else. He ignored his Manager.

.....oh yeah, and his all time favorite part:

* * *

**In childhood individuals with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (towards parents and teachers) tend to develop Conduct Disorder (delinquency) in adolescence. This delinquency takes the form of reckless thrill-seeking, physical violence, and law-breaking. These individuals become the school bullies, thieves, vandals, and drug-dealers. Most adolescent delinquents grow out of this behavior as they enter adulthood. However, those that increase their delinquent behavior as they enter adulthood have their diagnosis changed from Conduct Disorder to Antisocial Personality Disorder.**

* * *

 

He sighed at his internal thoughts. The Manger (whom he had a hard time thinking of his brother, these days) was waiting on a response, and here he was having a pity party. He wanted desperately to diagnose himself as something besides a high-functioning Sociopath, but that'd be out of the question. He was too close, to see his faults. He'd have too much bias to accurately diagnose (himself) the patient. Then again, he highly doubted he would turn into Hannibal Lecter...no, that was wrong. He internally chided himself - Hannibal was a Psychopath. Born. Sociopathy was different.

But who could tell?

He certainly didn't want to _HARM_ others; but...then again...not every Sociopath does.

He wanted to help people; that's why he became a psychologist.

He wanted to lead people out of a dark place; before they became as fucked up, as he was.

But that still didn't prove anything.

He was still- "Declan!" Snapped his Manager, his brother. "Are you listening, brother?"

"Why wouldn't I BE?" He snapped back, making the male flinch. "All you do is talk." He regretted saying it, it came out childishly ridiculous. He sounded exactly as he had when he was 13, fighting with his mother for the umpteenth time. Standing, he said, "I don't have any information for you. And quite frankly, I don't see the point of this '3rd degree'-style interrogation. I don't know why she quit. I don't-"

"I'm just worried about you!" His brother blurted. "You're 20 and you haven't dated once...I just..."

"Worried _about **me**_?" The ravenette scoffed, "Like you have ANY damn business in my sex-or-love life." His 'intelligent' guard was slipping. His rational side was flying away like a Dragon which found something shiny in the depths of a lake, below it's nest.

"I didn't mean it that way and you know it." A sad look came across the blonde elder-sibling's face.

Declan took pause, guilt bubbling up somewhere within the depths of his subconscious mind. He tried to ignore it, for the most part, but his terse position still loosened a bit. "And what way did you mean it?"

"Like you're small-minded enough for me to spell it out...I just want to know what's going on in your life...with father gone..."

"STOP." He glared, body tensing again, "Don't go there-"

"Sorry." The manager flinched, his eyes going sad. "I know the wound is...I'm just-I just...he..."

The doctor wanted to bark, to get angry, hit, hurt, harm his brother - his manager- right there. He wanted to make him suffer - desperately gripping his neck as his muscles shook him, ferociously. Yet, Declan knew that violence wouldn't solve his problem, nor bring their father back. So he took a step back and let out a breath. With concentration fully linked on his breathing, he took steps to calm himself. He knew the steps. He was a psychologist, for fucks sake - he could calm himself down from a bout of anger if he wanted. The problem was, that, he had just been too beat up and sensitive, (over the close coverage of his orientation and how he harmed Gena) to concentrate on doing so, before.

"I was there when he died...you weren't." The Manager hadn't intended harm upon his younger brother, it wasn't a petty statement, but it still hit a sore spot never-the-less. The elder caught it and swallowed with a, suddenly sore, throat, "Sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Please...just make your point..." Declan's mask returned, calmly responding rather than getting overly emotional (as he had before).

The Manager frowned at the shift in mood, but said no more on the subject. He choose to bite his tongue, again. "...he asked me to take care of you. On his dying breath, brother, he did."

"I appreciate the sentiment. But I can take care of myself. I'm 20 years old, practically, have this age's version of a degree, and I'm not a petty teenager that is steeling caps and working on hacking into terminals, anymore." He looked at him over his dirty glasses, but without the edge of anger, anymore. "I DO have my own life-"

"I know. I just...I want to be apart of it." The elder's sad expression seeped into his brother slowly. It was like a fading light house, within the night-time skyline, shifting and flaring within the clouds surrounding a stormy sea.

Finally, Declan swallowed dryly and sat back down. He kept his eyes on his hands, feeling guilty and childish. "I...just wasn't interested in Gena, for my own reasons."

"Not your type?"

"Something like." He looked away, a distant look to his eyes. "I should really be getting going within an hour. I have an appointment with Patient 24, soon."

The Manager, once again, found his lips curling down. If Declan kept this up, a sad frown would be permanent expression. "You're deflecting, brother."

"Deflecting is, of course, a practiced word in our line of work." He merely said, continuing to do so without remorse. Blue orbs still didn't land on the other's green, merely focusing on a moving group in the distance. He could easily identify the group as a brotherhood of steel group, which made him relax slightly. At least he wouldn't have to worry about any Super-Mutants damaging them. Of course, who knew - the brotherhood tended not to keep up very well with the populous, these days. "How is Jenny, these days?"

"Don't change the subject." The Director glowered, a little, this time.

A snort, followed by, "I was just 'concerning myself' with your life."

The Director finally gave up on his younger brother, "Fine. Have it your way, brother. But you are at an age where it's generally expected..."

"Nobody finds true love in the wasteland, brother." He stood without another word. As the Director shook his head after, Declan lowered his voice, only stating: "Especially not someone like me."

 

* * *

 

 

He stopped by (his favorite) secret HQ, for only a few moments; however, he eventually was forced to head back towards The Compound's door. _'1856-39.'_ He entered into the terminal. It was his personal pass-code, something that could bypass the security system if need-be. He's an expert when it comes to technology, and the workings in his field. Memories of teenage antics with Raiders and Bandits, alike, made him smile. They taught him how to Lockpick - he taught them how to bypass high-tech security systems. They gave him food and laughter - he gave them late-night experiments...

They gave him Allen...

He gave him heart-break.

Bile had already begun to crawl up his throat, by the time he made it to his office. White walls, soft plush-but-colorful couches, _aaaaaaA **AAAAnd**_ **...**

He...

-was...being...

-kissed....

He tensed up, surprised by the pair of lips on his own. A familiar scent, (not to mention) a relatively unwelcome one, was in his nose. A feminine scent was burning out his nostrils, vomit churning somewhere within the confines of his stomach - from it.

He stumbled back, from Gena, and quickly closed the door, breaking off the kiss completely, as he did so. He breathed with his head against the door, silence taking over for a short few seconds. "I know you were _concerned_ about us working together..." Gena's words hurt him worse. He couldn't bare it. "...I understand, it wouldn't be proffession-"

"How do you have the passwords, GENA? They change it every time someone quits." Yes, he'd _lied..._ again. But the thought of bringing to her attention the fact that he was gay - when she worked for his brother...

When he could find out.

When mother could find out.

He shuttered. As soon as his brother had mentioned this he'd gotten snappy...

Why?

Because he knew this was coming.

His intention was for her to back off after the 'I don't date co-workers' act...not QUIT and try to sexually tackle him in his own office.

"I just waited...I didn't leave...I...thought you'd want to see me-" She reached out, slipping a hand along his shoulder and causing him to tense again. **Dark room. Scrambling. Hands holding him down. Black cloth. Gag. Lash. Pain.** ' _Your my dirty, boy'._ **Say the safe word. No go. He wouldn't relent. Why isn't he stopping?!** _  
_

He squeaked at the touch...causing...well, not exactly, the most masculine moment in his life; he whirled around and pressed himself up against the wall, desperately. He felt like a trapped canine, here - pressing against a wall with it's fangs bared and it's tail tucked.

"What's _wrong_ -"

"Gena, leave, please. My patient could be here any minute-"

"Well...we'll just have to-"

"- **Please** , _just leave_ -"

"Doc?" Andrei stuck his head in, only to freeze at the sight. Gena was there, trying to pin Declan to a wall. He froze, fear settling in his eyes. Gena was practically trying to jump him, and the look on Declan's face reminded him too much of his own that night. Gena may not have been covering Declan's mouth, or forcing him over a trash can, but the effect on Andrei was the same.

"Andrei-" Declan pushed Gena back, causing her to hit the floor. She was about to complain, snap at him, but he was out the door too fast. "Andrei-!" He caught up to him, some ways down the hall, curled up in a ball on the floor. Andrei was holding his legs close, breathing unsteady as he shook violently. " _God_..."

 

> * * *
> 
>  

He felt strong arms wrap around his frame, and all he could do was struggle. At first, he couldn't stand the touch, "Please don't...don't want-" But he was barely able to communicate through his sobs, and eventually - he relented. By instinct, it seemed, he leaned forward into the figure. There was a shift of weight, and he was laying side-ways into...whomever...whatever...was holding him. Hell, at this point, he didn't want to open his eyes to see. For the first time, in a long time, all he cared about was just...comfort.

"Andrei..." Came his Psychologist's voice, and Andrei reached out to pull him closer.

It was some time before the sobbing stopped...

It was some time before his breathing became even.

But it was even longer that he laid there, wrapped in warm arms - caring arms...

For the first time, in a long time, he didn't feel so scared of feeling, anymore.

 

 

> * * *

 

"Hey, Doc?" It was a long time before Declan opened his eyes. "Why _are you_...?" Declan realized what the other meant. He'd been involuntarily stroking the other's lengthier side, of his hair. Fingers had been running, for a while now, down and through black punked-hair. He started to retract his fingers, but then his patient caught his wrist. "I...wait...don't stop..." Declan blinked, finding the request just...a little unprofessional.

So why did he do as requested?

 

> * * *
> 
>  

 

That was **PROBABLY** his first mistake.

 

> * * *
> 
>  

Coulda.

  
_Woulda..._

  
_**SHOULDA-**_  
  
Cute phrase.

The reality was that Declan's mind was racing through the different conversations and thoughts he **could** have retorted....all the sinful responses he **shouldn't** have done....all the times he **should** have pushed him away, for morality's sake, if nothing else. This man was a rape victim...confused on his sexuality (not that Declan was much better-)...and on top of that, he was his PATIENT. The Hippocratic Oath may not be administered, anymore...but that didn't mean there wasn't a general belief that one would follow common-sense morals. So, a year into the treatment, the last thing he would have expected was to end up in bed with him. And it wasn't exactly like they had many places to hide.

They were stationed here, inside his office (they could have had the decency to at least end up in Andrei's chambers or Declans; but where was the sense in that, right? _RIIIIGHT? **RIIIIIIIIIIGHT?**_ ), fucking on his desk. At least they weren't tumbling on the patient's couch. They apparently had the decency to do it somewhere that nobody else would touch for extended periods of time. Well, except maybe Declan. After he cleaned the stains...

And he would.

He was, after all, still hiding his little _SIN_ from his family.

How would he explain if the Manager came, randomly, in and saw Cum stains, in the chair of his desk?

 _"Oh, yeah, I just randomly am **fucking** one of my psychological patients, no big deal, bruh."_ \- Seriously: EW. That had more implications than just his orientation finally being reve-

He lost train of thought when Andrei's hand nestled around his cock. " _FUCK_ -"

"Jesus, Doc-you're way to big to go in with spit..." Came the tone of his patient's voice. Okay, so what if he'd had this fantasy of Doctor-on-Patient for a while? It was a kink! Everyone had them...right?

The oak on his desk looked really nice behind Andrei's naked body. It was really a nice tinted red, commented the flush on his cheeks beautifully. Declan's computer screen still had up the same code on it as earlier, too. _Wow, I really needed to get on that old project and hand it into the Manager. I mean, it was a menial task, but still-_

"Lube. Second drawer. NOW." Was all he managed as Declan settled back against the, slightly-broken, chair (previously un-tucked from my desk). "Hurry."

"Commanding, Doc-unusual, not like you." Andrei had gained more confidence since the treatement started, and not in the 'piss off' fashion. No, he was much more confident in social situations, even going to teasing lengths. Like right now.

Unfortunately for Declan...

"You're riding my cock, Andrei. And I'm guessing you don't want my ten-size dry..." Declan was managing to stroke himself a little while speaking, eyes ferociously predatory.

A tight swallow from Andrei, and he finally complied. Uncapping the unusual substance he deigned to ask, "This shit is safe, right?"

"I made sure it is..." Declan drawled, pausing before, "...get on the desk, _moy Gotsky_..." The Russian accentuation to his words, at the end, made his voice thick and heady. Andrei shuttered from the sound, "I want you to lubricate yourself...make yourself wide...make yourself ready for me..." Dr. Sudoyev tilted his head back, watching as Andrei complied. His legs spread out, knees hanging of the edges of the desk...and all while his other palm rested behind him for support...the other...

...with more prevalent ministrations...

Declan almost moaned outright when, he watched, those digits slide within Andrei; the mixed-race's head flung back with a moan ricocheting from his lips. Andrei crunched up his eye-lids, the pain of his (previously damaged) asshole, being stretched (even by his fingers) a lot to bear. He couldn't imagine the sensation of Declan's thick member seething inside him. "Yes- **_YES_** moy Gotsky! Moy detka! Moy bog!" He encouraged, observing Andrei's fingers slowly spreading himself wide. The scissoring was beautiful- slick, wet sounds squishing into Declan's ears...

Given, more than, a few beats, finally - Andrei found it pleasurable. He was starting to push further, the tips of his fingers brushing against the tight walls of his ass. They filled him deeply while his cock dripped pre-cum along the side, trickling down his (now prominent from arousal) veins. As time sped up, he began wanting to explore himself more, stretch and occupy the void, that so desperately wanted to be filled...

All the while, the patient watched his Russian-Asian doctor, observing as his mouth opened slowly and breath seeped from his nose; every twitch, every muscle spasm, every jerk of his palm...all beholden to Andrei's eyes...

The Doctor growled at his patient, eyes dark with need; "Say my name, nevol'nik."

Andrei had no idea what those words, or word, meant, but they sounded _HOT_. "Declan-"

" **Louder!** " Declan made the other jump from the barking command, before his voice went into a low bass, surpassing his natural baritone. "I want you to scream my _fucking_ name..." Teeth grit, Declan's licentious gaze practically seeped into him.

"Declan...!" Andrei thrust his head back then, as if the name, in of itself, had the most orgasmic effect on his body. Andrei felt his muscles tense at the simple sound, but Declan was far more affected. In hearing it...his name...through the high-pitched patient's voice; his cock twitched. But he wasn't ready to cum, yet - and he'd had years of self-focus to aid him in controlling his body's needs.

"You're ready..." His voice was lower than the Mariana Trench, breath shallow, cock seeping streams of white along his (now halted) fingers. "...come here, moy Gotsky." He reached out his palms, settling lithe fingers, around the waste of his patient. "This is going to hurt." He broke from his sexual arousal to warn the other, "A lot."

Andrei's grip tightened down against the shoulder's of the older male, eyes clenched. Slowly, he felt his body come down on the lap of his Doctor-

"Oh god-" Declan's entire body rose up against Andrei, his tight walls almost impossibly pleasurable for the Russian to take. Andrei made a noise, too, but it wasn't entirely from pleasure. The male's body went ridged when he felt the other enter him, flash-backs of that night in the alley toying with his subconscious. He swallowed, pushing them down. He was with Declan, not some fucked up rapist...

That didn't stop his fingers from tightening, nails scraping into the flesh of his taller lover. "God..." He breathed finally, realizing how good it felt after Declan was finally in to his hilt. He was so big he could feel a warmth inside his stomach, signalling his prostate being pressed in tight. "Fuck...Doc..." He didn't even mean to call him by the title, but for some odd reason when he did - he didn't get the reaction he was expecting. He expected the arousal to loosen, for Declan to pull back and face him - scolding him for that. Telling him it was gross. Disgusting. Weird.

Instead, the reaction was opposite.

Declan seemed more turned on by the sentiment, back muscles shuttering as he started rocking desperately inside Andrei. The sensation wasn't unpleasant, painful - at first - but entirely too good to complain. As the motions sped up, Andrei found his nails leaving large streaks of red down the Russian's back. He found his body pulsing with ecstasy, eyes closed, and then (at one point) he even bit into his shoulder from the overwhelming sensations. Screaming the orgasm into the Russian's shoulder, he felt liquid squirt onto the lower torso of his Doctor. Declan kept thrusting, holding out longer than Andrei - it felt like an eternity before he finally shuttered out Andrei's name. But really, it was only a moment or two longer...

When the two felt this settle on both of them, and the weight of the world flooded back in, Andrei realized he still had his teeth sunk firmly into Declan's shoulder. A trail of spit followed his lips as he leaned back. Andrei wiped his lips clean, and then felt another set touch his own. Declan's eyes fluttered shut as he kissed the male, the two settling into passion.

By the time it all ended, Andrei chuckled out; "Okay...maybe I'm gay. But only for you..."

"Better be. I'll fight anyone who tries to take you away, Gotsky." The Russian's eyes fluttered closed.

But the world came back, as it always did. "What should I tell my family...?"

"Nothing. Not right now. You just came to accept who you are, Andrei-"

"You sure this isn't something that has to do with you-"

"No. Andrei..." He sighed, "How about we just get dressed and cuddle...we'll worry about that shit later."

Andrei seemed to be contemplating the consequences, "Ah, let the' asses be damned. Sure, let's go fucking cuddle. It's the least I could do for a man who not only saved me - but fucking...no - literally - "buttfucked" me."

That was the first, genuine, laugh that Declan had, had - in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few helpful translations----
> 
> RUSSIAN:
> 
> "YA na samom dele ne nenavizhu Lorenzo, za skazat" - 'I do not hate Lorenzo, per say.'
> 
> "Da..." - 'yes'
> 
>  
> 
> Songs Listened to...
> 
> 1\. Coldplay (The Scientist)  
> 2\. Dido (Medicine)  
> 3\. Until We Bleed (Mikael Cello Violin Mix)  
> 4\. Crawlin' Back to You (Arctic Monkeys) {Dogma Mix}  
> 5\. Dead to Me (Sex Whales & Fraxo)

**Author's Note:**

> Offer is still open for a beta reader-
> 
> Just comment below.
> 
> By the way, I actually had more planned for this. But after chapter 17, I just...I lost interest. I ended up just abandoning my project, way back. I guess after the explicit content I just lost interest. I don't know...I had no plot after that.
> 
> Anyways, here's my kinda-sorta-half-assed project that wasn't ever finished...
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> \---  
> INFO:  
> \---
> 
> WebMD: "http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/treatment-resistant-depression-psychotherapy#1"  
> Simply Psychology: "http://www.simplypsychology.org/psychosexual.html"  
> Wikipedia: "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freudian_slip"  
> WebMD: "http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sexual-assault"  
> SpectrumTherapy: "http://www.spectrumtherapy.co.uk/index.php/about/humanistic_psychotherapy"  
> APA: "http://www.apa.org/topics/therapy/psychotherapy-approaches.aspx"  
> Wikipedia: "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy"  
> PsychCentral: "https://psychcentral.com/lib/in-depth-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/"  
> WebMD: "http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-psychotherapy#1"  
> Simply Psychology: "http://www.simplypsychology.org/psychodynamic.html"  
> Wikipedia: "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychodynamics"  
> Simply Psychology: "http://www.simplypsychology.org/nomothetic-idiographic.html"  
> Additude Mag: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/12246.html  
> Valley Behavioral: http://www.valleybehavioral.com/disorders/odd/signs-symptoms-causes  
> Mental Health: http://mentalhealth.com/home/dx/antisocialpersonality.html
> 
>  
> 
> \------------------------------------------------  
> Russian Translations:  
> "Moy Bog" - My God  
> "Moy Detka" - My Baby  
> "Nevol'nik" - Slave
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist of While-I-Edited-This:  
> 1\. I Write Sins, Not Tragedies - P!ATD (Also known as: Declan's fucking theme song)  
> 2\. How You Remind Me - Avil Lavigne  
> 3\. American Idiot - Green Day  
> 4\. Dead to Me - Sex Whales & Fraxo  
> 5\. Crawlin' Back to You - Dogma Remix of Arctic Monkeys  
> 6\. Flesh - Simon Curtis (Put this on repeat during the last break and you won't be disappointed)


End file.
